It’s a tradition unlike any other: The NBA All-Star teams get announced, and immediately, everyone gets all super-serious.
We MUST have the BEST players on these All-Star teams, or else everyone will get all ANGRY and UPSET! Someone call the Fun Police!!
Somewhere along the way, the message has gotten lost, because we’ve stopped naming “stars” to the All-Star Game, and instead have become obsessed with making sure the “best” players are there.
And look, there’s nothing wrong with recognizing greatness, with highlighting those who put in the work and are able to excel at their craft. But that is why we have All-NBA teams at the end of the season. The All-Star Game is literally a game for the stars. Who wins? Who cares? It’s supposed to be fun, a lark, a breath of fresh air in the middle of a long, tough season, so we can take a collective break, and perhaps have a few moments of joy along the way.
So, with that being said, it’s time, once again, to anoint my YOLO All-Stars. That’s right, these are the guys who embody the spirit of the meme You Only Live Once. Some of these players are standouts for their play on the court, sure, but they are not all superstars. I tried to spread the wealth a bit, selecting worthy players from multiple teams. But I also did not look at stats—these All-Stars are entirely based on reputation, as well as these player’s online personas.
Eastern Conference Starters (voted by fans): Kyrie Irving, Bradley Beal, Kevin Durant, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid
The Eastern Conference YOLO Reserves (selected by me)
1. Jimmy Butler
The Heat’s best player has missed a dozen games, but opening a coffee shop last summer in the NBA bubble ensures his spot as a YOLO All-Star.
2. James Harden
He should probably make it just as a player alone, but when you consider all the shenanigans (skipping training camp, showing up thicc), the fact that’s he’s arrived in Brooklyn and been dominant is enough for me to give him a spot.
3. Fred VanVleet
FVV has proven himself to be an integral part of what the Raptors are doing, going from undrafted to scoring 54 points in a game earlier this season. He’s also been one of the more outspoken NBA players when it comes to off-court issues. Let’s reward the man in this weird season for having a career year.
4. LaMelo Ball
OK, I know he can’t really shoot consistently, and his defense has been so bad that his coach literally called him out on it to the media. But he’s fun to watch, and he seems like he’d be a lot of fun to play with. In short, especially when you factor in his backstory, Melo seems like the perfect YOLO All-Star.
5. Zach LaVine
I have a soft spot for dunkers. I grew up with Dominique Wilkins as my favorite player, after all, so for a guy to transform his career and go from a being primarily a dunker to now being an all-around player (and dead-eye scorer), well, you love to see it.
6. Robin Lopez
As I write this, the Wizards are, weirdly, one of the hottest teams in the NBA. And Robin Lopez, with his love for all things Disney and very public hatred of NBA mascots, is one of my favorite people in the League.
7. NBA Top Shot
Instead of a seventh player, let’s name one of the most popular trends of this NBA Season. If you don’t know what NBA Top Shot is, I can’t really explain it here, not in two sentences. But if you know, you know.
Western Conference Starters (voted by fans): Luka Doncic, Stephen Curry, LeBron James, Kawhi Leonard, Nikola Jokic
The Western Conference YOLO Reserves (selected by me)
1. Anthony Edwards
You saw the dunk. Yuta is my dude, but man. There was a split second just as Edwards started to drive where you can see Yuta hesitate. Should I rotate over? Or just let him go? Yuta made the right play. And this is the thanks he got.
2. Damian Lillard
Lillard has clearly had a season probably worthy of a starting slot. But Dame is also a perfect YOLO All-Star, releasing rap albums, in a variety of commercials, hitting huge shots. Dame is fun, as long as you aren’t going against him.
3. Devin Booker
Chris Paul probably has a good case of making the actual All-Star team, but Booker is an explosive scorer, and has that whole Kardashian thing happening. Hey, YOLO.
4. Ja Morant
You didn’t think I would? Come on, this was a no-brainer.
5. Mike Conley
Let’s keep it in Memphis, at least in spirit, where longtime Grizz guard Mike Conley is now running the show for the best team in the NBA, the Utah Jazz. And guess who didn’t make the All-Star team, again, this season? Yep. Now, two of his teammates did make it, and I wouldn’t be shocked if someone pulls out and Conley is named as a replacement. But Conley deserves some respect. And I hope for his sake that this is the season that he finally gets it.
5. Brandon Ingram
I know everyone loves seeing Zion lumber up and down the floor to dunk the ball. But to me, Ingram is the best player on the Pelicans. The versatility in his game makes him invaluable, and I love watching his footwork — he’s so good at getting his shot off without ever wasting a single step.
7. Facundo Campazzo
Who? He’s barely 5-10 and only plays about 15 minutes a game, but Denver’s Argentinian import plays with such craft and style and verve that I love watching him play. Because of plays like this one…